22 things I learned by 22 :)
hey loves! today is my 22nd birthday! ahhhhh so crazy! if you would have told 19 year old gabz that we made it to 22 she would not have believed you but here we are so let’s get into the 22 things I learned in my 22 years of living!
1. self love is the only thing that matters most in life. for years I did not understand how important it was to love myself before loving others. I spent almost 20 years of my life living to make sure everyone else was happy, but did not stop to think if I was even happy. the day I learned that loving myself was the key factor to living my dream lifes I went on to live and explore new opportunities.
2. step away from those who hold you back from your fullest potential. this could be anyone from friends, to relationships, to even family. if there is someone in your life who makes you feel bad about yourself or your life decisions when you are with them and seems to judge your every move… let. them. go. no relationship or friendship is worth walking through life on eggshells for. I recently went through this with a friendship and yes it was emotional because when you share special moments and deep thoughts with someone, its hard to allow yourself to let go but there reaches a point where you have to choose your mental health and live your own life without the constant judgement of others. not everyone in your life is permanent and that is okay but everyone who comes through your life is there to teach you some sort of lesson even if you don’t know what it is yet.
3. being lonely is not always a bad thing. I actually recently learned this while talking to a friend about becoming more social. freshman year of college, I went through a depressive episode where I locked myself in my room and would only leave my bed for class. I wouldn’t call anyone, I would only leave my room to go to the grocery store and I refused to buy a plane ticket to go home because I couldn’t handle to energies of other people around me. now as a senior it's incredible to look back and see how much I have changed because I feel the constant urge to be with someone or talking to someone on the phone but never allow myself to feel lonely anymore and when I do, I feel empty due to the fact that I don’t allow myself to spend time alone. sometimes you need time to recharge so that you don’t burn out and this is something I need to teach myself again.
4. nothing in life happens by accident. I am now a HUGE believer in the fact that everything in life happens for a reason and nothing in life is an accident. everything is built into your life journey and is made to be a part of your story. for so many years I tried to control every aspect of my life but it never turned out the way I was attempting to force it, so I was under the impression the universe was against me. little did I know it was because you can’t force a journey and if it is not meant to happen in your life then there is a reason. so my tip would be to relax more, live day by day and if it feels right then go for it even if it was not was originally planned.
5. saying no to plans does not mean people will hate you. I have always been the type of person who was afraid to say no to plans in fear of my friends hating me or never asking me to hang out again. this is something I had to get over and often still struggle with because it led to a lot more unnecessary added stress. if you have fmo, I get it, but sometimes you have to put yourself before others and you should never feel bad for doing so.
6. wear what makes you feel happy. LADIES and GENTS! it is 2022… we are soooo done with dressing for others. for years as a figure skater, I dressed for the public eye. whether it was my day to day outfits at competitions, warm up outfits and of course competition dresses. not only that but I also went to a school that required uniforms so I never had any freedom over my clothing until I went to college. when I got to scad, I didn’t have a very good concept of style but after spending time here and in NYC, I learned what I love about certain styles and what I feel good in. I wish I would have learned this sooner and had more freedom over my outfits so that I could’ve shown my personality through my garments earlier in life but I'm glad I get to explore now!
7. learn to focus on the moment, not just the photograph. as someone who is constantly on their phone or devices for school and works in the world of social media, it is difficult to detach myself from online vs reality. something I needed to teach myself early on in my college career was to separate the two and learn that not every moment of life needs to be photographed/documented and sometimes the documentation is the memory itself.
8. boys do not define how amazing you are. ughh… i’m going to be honest with you guys and say that I haven’t learned this one fully yet but its important to incorporate in this list. We have been wired to think that boys define our worth and when they don’t accept us for who we are we feel the need to change to match their standards. NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. if you could do me one favor it would be to completely wipe that mentality from your brain. boys should never define your worth, beauty, or anything of those sorts. I know it’s hard when you really like someone and you realize that you aren’t exactly the person they are looking for but that should not be a sign for you to change because someone else will love you exactly the way your are.
9. you never know what someone is going through so never judge a book by its cover. there have been many occasions where I have not been treated as I would have desired or expected and resented the person for it, only to later on find out that they had something going on in their life that affected their actions. now I always keep in mind that sometimes there is wayyy more beneath the surface that affects the way people act and to always consider that before judging them after one interaction.
10. communication is the key to all good relationships. I am the type of person that has the out of sight out of mind mentality. this is horrible when it comes to long distance relationships because I will never be the one to text first, 1. because I hate answering texts 2. because I hate phone calls 3. I feel like I can’t communicate properly over FaceTime. so basically long distance communication is awful for me unless the other person initiates it although this isn’t the only form of communication that is important especially if you aren’t long distance. communicating emotion and opinions to either friends or significant others is so important for the longevity and health of the relationship. no one is a mind reader so if you don’t express that you are upset about something and just hold a grudge against the personwill only lead to confusion.
11. if he likes you, you’ll know. if he doesn’t you’ll be confused. I know its disappointing to hear this ladies but never ever let yourself lay in bed wondering if a guy likes you because if you have to think twice about it and you’re confused, then that is the strongest tell tale sign. you should go for someone who is going to give you 100% of his attention and makes it clear what his feelings are for you. I have lived both ends of the spectrum and its not fun admitting to yourself that you have to let go but once you do its a weight off your shoulders.
12. tomorrow is not promised so enjoy every minute. I unfortunately lost a lot of family members at a young age and some unexpectedly. the biggest lesson this taught me was to cherish every moment of life because you never know when your journey will be over. living by this will help you live in the moment and make the most of memories.
13. life isn’t going by as fast as you think, you still have time. my biggest fear growing up was that I was wasting time and that everything in life was going by so fast. I would imagine myself at 60 years old looking back at my life and regretting not trying certain things. this constant panic over whether I was living life to its fullest potential was incredibly overwhelming and honestly was making everything backfire because I lived in a state of stress 24/7. once I moved on from skating and got a few years into college I realized that the only way I would actually achieve everything I wanted to was if I took my time. even though life does go by pretty fast there is always time to achieve your dreams.
14. a small act of kindness goes a long way. whether its holding the door open or complimenting someones outfit, the slightest act of kindness can makes someones day or even week.
15. your achievements are just as significant as others even if the label is not the same. this is something I had to realize at a young age growing up with two olympian parents and a cousin who is an amazing skater. I would constantly feel like my achievements meant nothing compared to theirs but I had to teach myself that they were equal in importance to me and that I should be proud of myself either way.
16. there is always going to be another side of the story. in an argument or situation there is always going to be different points of view. every person has their side of the story and each one is valid because we are all free to have opinions. when in the middle of two stories, I often choose to stay neutral and listen to both ends and try to figure out a solution. sometimes this causes people to drift apart and other times its an easy fix but no matter what happens remember that you are allowed to feel the way you do and everything happens for a reason.
17. talking to people when you are struggling is more helpful than you think. I wish I would have learned this when I actually needed it. during hard times its easier to shut people out and isolate because then you don’t have to deal with the problem head on but I can guarantee you that is not the easiest route in the long run. I truly believe if I would have reached out to my family and friends during my darkest times I would have healed faster. Its easier said than done and I would not have even known how to at the time but baby steps and small signals is a great way to start if you are ready.
18. no one is judging you, so take that picture, dance it out, and laugh as loud as you can. walking through life in fear halts you from living life to its fullest potential. if you live with the fear of judgement then you will never be able to be 100% yourself around people. no one ever really cares as much as you think they do when it comes to situations that you might think are “embarrassing” so take the instagram picture on the street, sing as loud as you can in the car with all your new friends or dance like no ones watching in the club because if people can’t accept you for all your crazy, elegant, or funny qualities then they aren’t worth having around.
19. be aware of who you share personal life details with. as someone who pours their heart out to anyone who shows me the slightest bit of attention…. I recommend that you do NOT do that ahaha… your personal life is for you and your closest friends and family but be careful with the new people you share info to until you know them because not everyone shows their true colors until many months later. the reason I suggest staying more mysterious is because you have your personal barrier and as soon as someone knows how to manipulate you and break that barrier it will take a long time to rebuild it and yourself. so protect it until you are sure of who that person is underneath theirs.
20. do not drunk text. i am fairly new to the drinking game and have yet to make this mistake but during the weekends that I have gone out, I have witnessed enough people in my close circle make this mistake. just know it never ends well. my best tip would be to either give your phone to a friend or turn it off if you are with a safe group who have their phones on hand.
21. stop apologizing for everything. I just learned this one after finding myself post having a manipulative friendship. not everything is your fault no matter how many people make you think it is. do not apologize for things that you should not be apologizing for. stand your ground and gain your power back babes.
22. save your money. there are so many opportunities ahead, so save up and enjoy your life living free!
and that’s my 22 lessons i’ve learned so far!
xoxo,
gabz
